Where Angels Sleep

avluela @ 2004-08-13T18:18:00

2004-08-13T17:15:51Z

This journal is now well and truly dead. I've changed my usename to _avluela on the basis that I cannot be bothered to delete all the entries in this thing. This journal will probably be deleted in a weeks time.

So, Real Life Strikes Again

2003-10-22T21:47:55Z

I usually use my LJ for fandomy things, but sometimes you have to get thing of your chest, you know?

If you live in England, you've probably heard of/seen the documentary in which a reporter went undercover in the police force to find out the extent of racism among the officers. I was one of the people who watched and frankly, what I saw scared me. And it scares me so much more because it affects me. I am Indian, but I was born and bred in England. And it is just damn freaky knowing that there are people out there who would be happy to stick a knife in my gut because of my skin colour. Because of who I am.

And it is so much worse, because I didn't actually believe racism existed. Stupid, I know. But it couldn't possibly affect me, could it? Yeah. Right.

Mum, as usual, was the voice of even more freakiness. She informed that my generation are all the same: we think we belong. We consider this our home. But there are always people who hate the 'pakis'. Maybe they'll force us all out of the country, someday. It has happened before in other countries. It will happen again. Hate is powerful like that.

So, she said, your generation should not forget where you came from.

Because nothing lasts forever.

Except, perhaps, stupidity. But she didn't say that. I'm good enough at filling the gaps in myself.

avluela @ 2003-10-18T15:04:00

2003-10-18T14:07:37Z

Note to self: Remember to update journal. Remember to update journal...

I still have too many plotbunnies. Nothing new there.

Hm... I've been thinking of working on a H/G. Only, the H/G-ers would flame me, because it is as twisted as some of the twistiest darkslash I've ever read. Cross-dressing Ginny anyone?

I've gotten interested in the Planet Ladder fandom only, the fandom has about, like, three pieces of fanfiction. Terrible, isn't it?

And I will write that Ted/Snape idea I had. Someday.

avluela @ 2003-09-20T15:56:00

2003-09-20T15:01:26Z

Argh. My head hurts. I really, really hate this.

I am trying to write my UTMB FQF fic (Alice/Narcissa), but it is kind of hard when your head feels like its being pounded with a hammer. I also plan, at the moment, to write a Ted Tonks/Severus Snape fic. I've never written Snape. Ever. So that should be really fun.

Volume one of Utena arrived today. I have to save up for volume two now, because I am so broke. I hate it when this happens.

I also wrote a Luna drabble some time ago. I thought I should post it here:

I guess I’m not like other girls.

When I was little Mummy used to say, you can’t do that, it’s impossible. But even Mummy wanted to hold the world in her hands. I think Mummy was just too scared to believe. Most adults are. I would have grown up and turned out just the same, if Mummy hadn’t died.

Daddy was sad, for a while. But he believed, and he never said words like impossible or unlikely. So I didn’t stop dreaming, and one day I grew up.

And growing up didn’t mean I had to change.

They called me Loony Lovegood, and I guess I am. But I can see the shadows in Ginny’s eyes, the pain in Harry’s smile.

I know they want to believe too.

avluela @ 2003-09-03T10:58:00

2003-09-03T10:13:01Z

I've been on a brilliant musical theatre course. We were given the chance to perform at the Old Vic in London, which was loads of fun. We spent ten minutes rehearsing, and five hours lounging about. I managed to finish reading Tipping the Velvet. I must say, Fingersmith was a much better read. But that's just my opinion.

One girl, who we shall call Queen, saw me reading it. Needless to say, she came to some very interesting conclusions about my sexuality, which was quite amusing. My sense of humour is obviously warped.

A few girls and I had a conversation about the book. It went something like this:

Queen: Your reading that book?!

Me: Um.

Boots: Oh, Tasha. How naught are you? *winkwinknudge*

Ditsy: *to Boots* What are you lot on about? It looks pretty normal to me. Is there anything bad about it? *Picks up book*

Me: Um...

Queen: Wasn't that a really gay show on TV? With all the lesbians getting it on?

Me: It was on TV?

Ditsy: Gay people?

Boots: *Giggles*

Ditsy: What does 'Tipping the Velvet' mean?

Poor, innocent Ditzy...

avluela @ 2003-08-17T14:29:00

2003-08-17T13:30:38Z

Yay! This meme is just so funny.

<td bgcolor="#000000">LJ username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">HP lover</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">The Giant Squid </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Outcome</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Your mother walked in on you </td></tr>

Which HP character shagged you while you were sleeping? by passo

Created with quill18</a>'s MemeGen!

avluela @ 2003-08-14T17:24:00

2003-08-14T16:24:31Z

I've just started a new community! blackatheart is for fans of the Black family. All pairing involving a Black (e.g Sirius/Lily, Bellatrix/Narcissa, Regulus/Snape) are welcome. That includes femmeslash, folks ;)

Go join!

avluela @ 2003-08-11T17:26:00

2003-08-11T16:40:55Z

I love those HP girls. I am now a certified Andromeda!fangirl and Pansy!fangirl. Go figure.

Am currently working on an Andromeda/Lily AU. And it is long.

Wish me luck ;)

avluela @ 2003-08-08T19:38:00

2003-08-08T18:48:06Z

I've had more plotbunnies...

...AU Andromeda/Lily, and Pansy/Bellatrix. Not to mention my Luna/Pansy WiP.

*WEEPS*

They taking over, oh yes they are...

And I still have no ideas for the Iconogrpahy Challenge. Meh.

I've written a small ficlet. I don't even SHIP Lavender/Parvati, but it wouldn't go away.

1. Family

Family comes first. You don't have to be a pureblood to know that. Parvati knows it, because her sister knows it, because her parents know it, because the knowledge thrums in their veins and you don't forget things like that.

Parvati knows that if the world comes crashing down, she can rely on her family to be there. They love her enough to nag her, enough to brush away her tears. They stick together like glue, because family is your soul. Parvati knows that you can never, ever abandon you soul.

2. Duty

When Lavender kisses her, Parvati pushes her away. She doesn't want to. Lavender's lips are soft, and her touch makes Parvati warm. But Parvati has duties.

Lavender is hurt. She is trembling, afraid of what she has done.

I thought, she says, I thought you..

Parvati feels like crying.

I do, she says desperately. I love you Lav, but..

Broken shards of friendship clutched in her hands, Parvati realises that Lavender just doesn't get it. Not at all.

Parvati loves Lavender. Lavender loves Parvati.

But Parvati has duties.

3. Rules

Unspoken. All the most important rules remain unsaid. But Parvati knows them, and she cannot break them.

She looks at Lavender. And though she wants to kiss her again, though she wants to make it all better, she can't break that rule.

To break the rule, she thinks, is to break the family.

So she takes a deep breath, and tries again.

I can't, says Parvati. I just can't.

avluela @ 2003-08-06T00:32:00

2003-08-05T23:34:40Z

Here is the un-betaed prologue of my Luna/Pansy. I blame Nest Freemark, for convincing me write this with her gorgeous icon. Trust me. It was impossible to resist.

Warning: Does not make sense.

A Dream is But a Shadow

By Avluela

It has begun. I have the found the path and I know the way. It has taken me years, so many years, but I have mapped my journey and learnt their secrets. Nothing can stop me now.

The barrier is strong. But the concentration of magic within my body is sharp and honed, ready for it's purpose. I risk everything on this venture. If I fail, then I shall die. If I succeed, then I shall be less than a squib, less than a muggle. Oh, but too succeed… I would give anything to find my way through. Anything to see their world. My powers are a small price to pay.

They are dangerous creatures. And they shall be angered by me. They do not like being meddled with; meddling is their game, and we are their pawns. But I defy them. I know them. For once, it shall be a human who charts the stars of fate.

~
Diana Lovegood

***

"Mummy?" Luna said. "Mummy, are you busy? Daddy has burnt the kitchen again. And the dinner. His hair is one fire too. Can we eat at a restaurant instead? I don't think Daddy is very good at cooking…"

Luna approached the door of her mother's study, slippers thumping loudly against the wooden floor. The door was closed, which wasn't unusual, and locked, which was very unusual indeed. She tapped on the door.

"Mummy?"

There was no answer.

Luna frowned, her lips slightly pursed. This wasn't normal, not at all. Why wasn't Mummy listening?

More importantly, who was going to put out Daddy's hair?

"I'm hungry," she announced. "Have you and Daddy being fighting? Because letting Daddy go bald isn't very nice, really. Wigs are expensive."

Still no answer.

Shrugging helplessly, Luna turned to walk away.

And then it happened.

There was a thunderous crash which shook the floors and rattled the walls with an empty, ominous groan. Luna fell to the floor, a slight hiss of surprise escaping her lips.

The door to her mother's study exploded, splinters of wood arching through the air. Light flared bright for a moment, and then faded.

And then. Silence.

Trembling, Luna got to her feet. This, she thought shakily, is probably going to turn out worse than Daddy's cooking.

She approached the study with quiet, measured footsteps. Peering round the door, she caught sight of her mother sprawled across the floor, coughing weakly. There was a knife by her side and papers scattered around her form. The study was a wreck, so very different from the neat and orderly way in which it had been arranged only moments before.

Someone laughed.

"Silly girl," it said mockingly. "That was bad, little witch, very bad. But humans are foolish, we know that."

More laughter. It echoed about the room like the cold clang of a bell. Luna drew back slightly, shivering.

"You can't stop us, see little girl? We always win. We are older than you, far older."

Her mother looked up, bleary eyed.

"But it worked," she said faintly. "You may have me now, you may have thwarted my plan, but it worked."

"It worked, yes." It said. "And we will use it for ourselves. The rest of your kind know nothing of it, do they, little witch? You have helped us, but you must be punished."

Punished, the word hung heavy in the air.

Someone stepped forward. And then more, so many more of them, moved towards Luna's mother, their faces alight with something grim.

"Punished," One whispered. "Oh yes, we know what is best."

They formed a tight circle around her mother, and all Luna could do was watch.

********

It seemed to go one forever, but it did end. The screams faded after a time, and Luna, still shaking, looked on with solemn eyes as they vanished into nothingness.

She waited for a while. Only long enough to make sure they were gone. It was then that she entered the study, picking up papers as she went. Luna reached for the knife last of all, and tucked it inside her robes.

"Its alright Mummy," she murmured. "I'll find you, soon. Don't worry about Daddy and me, we'll be okay till you come back."

Luna walked calmly out of the room. She did not cry. It wasn't really goodbye, after all.

avluela @ 2003-08-05T18:54:00

2003-08-05T18:08:24Z

The plotbunnies are evil I tell you. Evil beyond belief. Somewhere along the line, I've developed the rough outline for a very odd Luna/Pansy. *Groans* I think I should just kill myself now. I really don't have the staying power for WiP, just look at my ff.net account...

On a lighter note, I've joined the hp_femslash_rpg as Pansy Parkinson. I think I may be Pansy obsessed. Or, at least, darkhaired!snarky!notslut!Pansy obsessed. I'm not sure if that makes it any better. Oh, and could someone please sign up for Millicent Bulstrode on the RPG? Millicent is too cool to waste. And I desperatley want Millicent/Pansy. Pretty please?

Lastly, My femmeslash challenge fic is disjointed and the smut is longer than any other scene in the whole fic. That frightens me slightly. I haven't even started on the iconography challenge piece. All in all, I'm doing very well. Really.

avluela @ 2003-07-17T21:11:00

2003-07-17T20:07:05Z

I've written a story using one of the many sentences on the storyseeds. I changed the tense to present. The fic isn't based on any Harry Potter character in particular, so take your pick. It's illogical, melodramatic and makes very little sense at all. Enjoy.

There is a wall. It is a huge, hideous thing; dark and imposing. When she looks down, she can see nothing but the dusty, festering earth. When she looks up, the wall meets her empty gaze, it's jagged rim tearing the sky. She has considered ripping her eyes out once or twice, but blindness would not shatter the prison gates. And she is sure the guards will do it for her, given time. They are fond of such sport.

She has seen nothing but the wall for ten years. It is her shell, her shield against a world where everything is wrong and nothing is right. It is her face: chipped and weathered, prematurley aged by seasons of change. It is her prison, her doom, her veil which holds true even as she screams and screams in a desperate plea for someone, anyone to help her...

But they are all dead, of course. She has forgotten that.

She wonders if the wall is all they know of her now. She wonders if pureblood mothers walk with their pureblood children outside the prison gates and whisper, they keep the mudbloods in there. Filthy creatures.

She wonders if the children look up at the wall and see hideous creature hidden within, nightmares dancing before their eyes. Or perhaps they just see a wall, and think nothing more of it.

There at times when she can take no more. She claws at the wall like a desperate animal. Blood stains her fingertips, and as the guards mutter that spell again, she curses them all. She is an animal now, just like they want her to be, but she doesn't care. Cannot care.

There is a wall. There are guards with Dark Marks burnt into their arms, cruel smiles painted on their faces. And there are the mudbloods, filthy little mudbloods, and she thinks the earth died a long time ago.

avluela @ 2003-07-13T17:06:00

2003-07-13T16:09:12Z

I haven't posted in ages, but I've been so busy. RL is a such a drag.

I've recently joined an RPG on caleida, called Haphazard Alley. There are still lost of parts open. So go have a look *pokes*. On that note, do any of you know some MWPP RPGs that need players? I'm in the mood for that.

I've entered the HP Femmeslash Summer of Smut challenge. Andromeda/Bellatrix. Yay. I've written a bit of the smut, but I'm not quite sure how I'm going to work a plot around it (how do you get Bellatrix and Andromeda into a wood, during a rainy night? Shagging? Meh). I also have the insane urge to write an alternate universe femmeslash vampirefic. Darn these insane urges!

Lastly, have you read The Sevenwaters Trilogy? Ever thought of writing fanfiction for it?

My life is complete...

2003-06-28T00:11:48Z

Took a quiz. Was fun. Need sleep. And femmeslash ficcies. And sleep. And more sleep. And chicken.

Luna, Luna, Luna... no more needed.

Which Chick from Order of the Phoenix Are You? (Spoilers)
brought to you by Quizilla

Wow. I am so surprised. Not.

*Sleeps*

Begs (Contains Spoilers)

2003-06-23T17:15:22Z

Does anyone have any information on Andromeda Black? You know, sister of Narcissa and Bellatrix. My Mum nicked OoTP, and I'm lost without all that lovely information. I need to know anything at all about her. Absolutely anything.

What's with the OotP bashing?

2003-06-21T23:20:45Z

Spoilers ahead. And deep confusion. And Harry fangirlishness.

That is all.

Am I the only one who still adores Harry? And doesn't think OotP has bad characterization?

I mean, really. I adored the new book. I loved finally-having-selfish-teenage-tantrums!Harry and cool!Ginny. I cried when Sirius died. Why do so many people seem to dislike it all? Please, someone explain it all to me.

Kills bunny

2003-06-17T19:45:21Z

I have been having the oddest plot bunnies. They are annoying, evil, nasty creatures. And they won't go away.

I'll probably have to write a few of them. And I'll never finish them. Epic!Plot bunnies are terribly annoying. Espceially when you have no time to plan out something long and involved.

*Hits head on keyboard*

Oww...

Ficcy!!

2003-06-11T21:39:35Z

Here is a little ficlet. Tain't that good, but its passable. H/G angst. Yeah, angst. Go enjoy yourselves.

Title: Eight Years
Pairing: Harry/Ginny
Rating: PG13

Eight years.

It has been eight years since that day, crushed beneath a tide of fire and blood.

Eight years since she watched the light engulf him, and destroy him.

It has been eight endless years...

And she still misses him.

~~~~~

Ginny always wakes up after her daughter. When the daylight finally seeps its way into her room, she will rouse, light insistently pressing against her eyes. It bounces in her brain like a roaring display of light. Ginny hates the light, and she hates mornings.

Norah is always there for her then. The child sits by her mother's bed, a doll held limply in one tiny fist. She is a patient, watchful little creature. Ginny wonders, at times, how long the child waits for her to awaken. Minutes? Hours? Either way, she is always there. And it worries Ginny.

Norah is such a strange child.

Ginny asks her, once, why she is always there. Norah thinks about it, as she always does. Sweet, thoughtful child.

I have to keep an eye on you Mummy. If I don't watch, the nightmares might come and take you away.

Ginny does not ask again.

Yes... Norah is strange child.

~~~~

The nightmares are terrible. Ginny can smell blood in the air. Smoke and ash cling to her lips, her lungs. She is screaming, but there is no one to care. They are all screaming too.

She refuses to cry. She will not give in. Ginny knows that she must be strong, or she will have nothing.

And then she dreams of him. His eyes (green, so broken and so beautiful) watching, his hands (callused, but gentle) clinging to red strands of her hair. She dreams of promises never made, vows she would have kept, had he only lived. But he died and she lived, and nothing is fair in love and war.

I love you.

Then she sobs into the pillow, tears streaming down her weary face. Ginny weeps, but she still cannot forget.

~~~~

She talks to him sometimes. In her head, which is mad, surely, but she can't let him go just yet.

Your a Father, she whispers, even though he certainly cannot hear her. Our daughter is beautiful. You would have loved her. She has your eyes, you know.

And there is nothing else to say, except...

I love you.

...But he knew that.. Didn't he?

~~~~

Why don't I have a Daddy? Norah asks. She always asks the hardest questions.

Ginny doesn't know what to say. Can she tell her little girl, her precious child, that her father was famous? Can she tell Norah that he died saving everyone, everything that he loved? Can she tell her that Daddy never loved Mummy?

No. She can't.

Ginny doesn't know what to say.

~~~~

War makes people reckless. He had not thought he would lived. And neither had she. Maybe that was why it had been so easy to take that small, small step. Maybe that is why he had loved her, if only for one night.

He had not lived, of course. But they had their night, and he had his final war-ravaged day. Now she has Norah. It is enough.

It should be enough.

~~~~

Ginny hates the light, and fears the dark. She cannot forget. When she dreams of the future, she sees nothing and everything all at once. But it will never be enough.

I have to keep an eye on you Mummy. If I don't watch, the nightmares might come and take you away.

Eight years ago, the light killed Harry Potter.

And now the nightmares take Ginny too.

Ickle Newbie

2003-06-11T15:54:44Z

Well, this is my first LJ entry, and I'd love to say something really profound, but...

I can't think of anything.

So I'll just thanks muffinbutt, because she was the one to give me an LJ code, and it was a really lovely thing to do. *hugs*

I'll probably post later with some drabbles. But right now I have to right them. ;)

~Avluela